The Perks of being a Vampire
by redireas
Summary: SPOILER ALERT: further summary inside. A collection of one-shots, drabbles and fluff centered around everyones favorite vampire family.


**A/N: It's been forever since I've updated. I know. I figured I'd write some more while I was motivated and it's summertime. Enjoy.**

**Summary: SPOILER ALERT—post Breaking Dawn. Renesmee Carlie gets the chance to meet someone who has an equally bizarre name. Harry Potter/Twilight cross.**

**Disclaimer: Plot, mine. Characters aren't. Those belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer and JKR.**

**What's in a Name**

I hate London. It's too grey—which is of course the reason why we moved. Grey convincingly hides my skin.

"Stop whining," Jacob complained as he shut off the television, my only source of entertainment. "We're going out."

I moaned against my pillow because it was the only thing I could do to keep from giggling. Jacob was next to me in an instant, picking me up and taking me across the room. "Stop," I laughed as he gently tickled me, "where are we going?"

"To get me a coffee," he set me down at the door and gestured for me to walk, "I want to stay awake long enough to hear your next round of complaints."

I rolled my eyes.

Jacob laughed. "You get that from your father."

I ignored him, "so where is this coffee shop?"

"A block or two north." With Jacob it was always directions like _southeast_ or _northwest_. He never said a simple _left_ or _right_.

It was cold out. And dreary. I made sure Jacob knew how I felt about this.

"Will you ever shut up?" He asked, "You'd think you were related to Alice." I shoved him, playfully—nothing that would cause harm. He did bruise easily. Comparatively speaking.

We turned into the cutest little shop you'd ever seen. "Aw," I breathed, "it's adorable."

Jacob grinned at my silly reaction but, really, it was like the cafe had jumped right out of one of those "best-of" magazines. It was small, nearly empty, and smelled like… cookies. I rarely preferred human food to my usual diet, but if the cookies tasted half as good as they smelled I'd convert.

I watched Jacob eye the cushy seat to our left. It was large, fluffy, and had Jacob written all over it. "Go sit," I encouraged, "I'll get you something." I reached into my purse to make sure I had my credit card. Bingo.

"A cappuccino," he smiled at kissed me lightly on the lips, "thanks." His lips had barely left mine before he was curled into the chair.

I stepped up to the counter. It looked as though we were the only customers, except a man with a paper who was waiting for his coffee. I stared at him for a second longer than I should have—he felt my gaze and looked up. Oops.

"Good morning, miss," the cashier sang, "what would you like?"

She had caught me off-guard. "Oh, yes," I stammered. What did Jacob want again? "One cappuccino. Oh and a cookie." I could experiment, couldn't I?

She typed something into the register, "what size cappuccino would you like?"

I didn't even hesitate, "large. Extra large, if possible."

She smiled at me warmly. I gave her my credit card in a semi-awkward exchange. "Thanks," I murmured, walking over to the end of the counter.

There he was, that strange man who had stared at me. "Hi," I said, out of habit but then glanced away. There was something about him that made me nervous. He didn't answer me, but instead looked deep into my eyes, then studied my face.

"Here's your cookie, ma'am."

The man continued to look at me. Then he smiled. It made my skin shiver.

"Ma'am?"

"Right." I spoke urgently, reaching for the bag. It was warm. I could feel the chocolate chips melting into the paper. Suddenly it didn't seem so appetizing anymore.

The man went back to the news, so it was my turn to watch him. There was something…unearthly about his presence. He appeared every bit to be human—except for his bizarre robes. And he smelled unusual, not at all appealing.

I figured I might as well try the cookie while I waited around. I stole a quick glance at Jacob, who was snoring lightly in the chair. I don't know why I felt so strange. It wasn't too odd for a vampire to eat a cookie, was it? Well, I could always spit it out if it was gross…

"Are you alright?" The man hovered over me as I choked out the disgusting pastry. When he could tell I was perfectly fine, he grinned, "chocolate chip isn't your favorite?"

I shook my head. "No, no it was just…hot." I finished rather lamely.

He quirked a brow. I was just about to retort when a man called his name from behind the counter.

"Here you are, Albus."

I had to keep my mouth from dropping open. "Albus?" I asked without thinking.

"I know," he smiled as he poured some crème into his coffee, "it's a wretched name."

He had misinterpreted my question. The only people I knew with such old names were vampires. Humans tended to name their offspring nicely: Elizabeth, Katherine. I couldn't help but think that this man, this strangely smelling man, was not human. But he was not a vampire either. "No," I said, "Albus is a lovely name."

Albus snorted, "Right."

I paused. "It's just old fashioned."

"Yes, but you haven't heard my middle name," he was speaking to me so easily; it was as though he had been just waiting for me to strike up a conversation.

"I'm sure I've heard worse." And I was sure. Nothing could beat the oddity that was my namesake.

He held out his hand, "Albus Severus."

I reached out for his, "Renesmee Carlie. Pleasure to meet you."

I saw him shiver at my touch, but he did not look away from my eyes. He ended our shake shortly and then chuckled. "So we both suffer from the same misfortune. It's a hard life, is it not?"

I couldn't help but grin. "Very."

"Here's your coffee, miss."

I stepped away from him briefly, greeted by the stench of human blood and coffee beans. I held my breath. "Thanks."

I reached for sugar—the only thing Jacob liked in his coffee, and he liked a lot of it—when I noticed Albus surveying me. "You like coffee?" He asked, as if he were surprised.

"No," I admitted, "it's for my boyfriend."

Albus turned to see Jacob stretched lazily across the seat. He seemed to realize something. "Ah." He set his coffee on his paper and reached into his pocket. I stared at his paper. Something was off about it. Was that picture _moving_?

I shut my eyes quickly. Perhaps the cookie made me sick? Got a hold of my senses? Could it possibly be that cookies were vampires' kryptonite?

"Here, you'd like this," Albus produced a deep red lollypop from within his coat pocket. "I was going to give it to my father; he'd have gotten a kick out of it. Here." He was for some reason offended that I hadn't reached for it.

I held out my hand. Why on earth was he giving me a _lollypop_? At my expression, Albus assured me, "it's from Honeydukes."

Honeydukes?

"Well, I've got to be off to the ministry." He gathered up his coffee and paper, which was indeed moving. I felt a little dizzy. He looked right into my eyes and smiled broadly, "Enjoy."

As he walked off, I couldn't even manage a thank you.

I nudged Jacob with my elbow. He gave one last snore before shaking his muscles awake and yawning. "Oh, thanks," he reached for the coffee and chugged it down like only a shape-shifter could. Then belched. Very loudly. It was good we were the only ones in the room. He stood up, grinding his cup into a near-pulp with his grip. "What's that?" He asked, seeing the red between my fingers.

I didn't answer him because I had no idea myself. I was careful as I unwrapped the candy and sniffed it. There was something familiar about the scent, something familiar mixed with something almost sweet. It surely didn't _smell_ dangerous…

"Good? What flavor is it?" Jacob asked. He sounded jealous almost. I couldn't tell if it was because I had a treat he wanted, or because I was sucking so enthusiastically on something _other _than him.

I took the treat out of my mouth only long enough to answer him. "Hmmm," I moaned. "Blood."

**A/N: Hope you liked it. There weren't any lemons, really…I just felt awful for poor Nessie. Then it reminded me of poor Albus Severus. They have something truly sad to share: awful names. And I was rereading POA, where they discuss the blood lollypops for vampires at Honeydukes. A light bulb went off. Lol.**


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